affirmations.

With the onset of my depression (very short time, thank goodness), i got this from The Daily Love by Mastin Kipp. I just find it so fitting to what I am feeling right now. I got it when I need it the most.

I let go and let LOVE run my life! When I don't know what to do, I wait for an answer. I trust my Heart above all else! I can become ANYTHING I choose to be! I am free to be, just me!

for the love of the cause.

it scared all the "daylights" out of me and made me froze for an hour. yes, i was literally shaking at that time. June 17, 2010 marked the beginning of my advocacy (yay, this sounds so 'mabigat'). Dole, in coordination with Philippine National Red Cross and ALNP, held a mass bloodletting. there were 170 blood donors and that includes me. You have to believe, i made it!

Around 11 in the morning, together with the Pinky, we stormed off to the Big Con at the Pavilion. I really cannot hide the fright on my pretty face and well, i was too excited to get everything done and donate. Pinky had been keeping me strong and relentlessly commenting that i was overreacting. So that moment on, I contained everything to myself. No traces of fright or excitement. Upon arriving at the Big Con, everything that I was containing seemed to well up again. Oh no!

The whole process began with taking the weight, blood pressure, pulse rate and blood typing. Wait, that blood typing sucks. It was painful and i was close to screaming. Sir Mike Du even said "Jan, buti sana nandito si Irving, para moral support no?" Aaaw, amusement was really visible the moment I heard that. Like all of a sudden, I felt so strong, just the sound of his name. ha-ha

So I was interviewed by the doctor asking important questions - if i caught a fever the past week, if i took a medicine the past 24 hours - blah blah. Few moments from that, the doctor said I am qualified to donate. I.CAN.DONATE. Yeah, these words - made me happy even more! Wohoo. Let's get it on!

Dread. The sight of needles. Omigod. Some other friends who just donated were bullying me. "Agay, sakit kaau ang tusok sa dagom..." or a meaner remark "Shit, naputol ang dagom!" How supported can they get, huh?! Well, I'm certain about this thing. No turning back! So I hurried to my bed (folding bed covered with bloody red cloth!) Wait, can I suggest?! Would it be alright if the cloth on beds should be something like cartoon characters, or nature or anything not red? Red dreads people you know , even aggravates the uneasiness. Brilliant idea right. They should consider it, for Pete's sake. ha-ha

So going back, I am ready on this bed but shaking. Please make it fast. I plead hard. Tick.Tock. Here comes the attendant with his kit - the cotton, betadine, plaster and the BLOOD BAG with the syringe all beautifully placed in a small blue basket. I shouldn't mind the blue basket. Ha-ha So here it is. He wipes the betadine on my left arm. Then. Then. There. He puts in the syringe. Aaaah. Wait, it is tolerable and i am overreacting here. They give me a yellow stress ball to keep the blood dripping. By the way, Pinky is beside me that time - her blood is dripping too - to the blood bag! After seemed-forever minutes, the attendant check my blood bag. I wasn't halfway through so he advised me to pump the stress ball more. Mas na-stress ata ako kasi patapos na si Pinky. Geez, talk about pressure. After freaking out and an odd 15 minutes later, the bag is full. Thanks God! I survived. They let me lie down for a while. The feeling is superb, guys. It is such a fulfillment. And a relief!

This is the arroz caldo they gave us after the blood donation. Sarap.

And this is me beaming with pride after hurdling the stress of donating blood. Yey, I pull it through. All it cost is a little love. See you on the next blood letting!