affirmations.

With the onset of my depression (very short time, thank goodness), i got this from The Daily Love by Mastin Kipp. I just find it so fitting to what I am feeling right now. I got it when I need it the most.

I let go and let LOVE run my life! When I don't know what to do, I wait for an answer. I trust my Heart above all else! I can become ANYTHING I choose to be! I am free to be, just me!

for the love of the cause.

it scared all the "daylights" out of me and made me froze for an hour. yes, i was literally shaking at that time. June 17, 2010 marked the beginning of my advocacy (yay, this sounds so 'mabigat'). Dole, in coordination with Philippine National Red Cross and ALNP, held a mass bloodletting. there were 170 blood donors and that includes me. You have to believe, i made it!

Around 11 in the morning, together with the Pinky, we stormed off to the Big Con at the Pavilion. I really cannot hide the fright on my pretty face and well, i was too excited to get everything done and donate. Pinky had been keeping me strong and relentlessly commenting that i was overreacting. So that moment on, I contained everything to myself. No traces of fright or excitement. Upon arriving at the Big Con, everything that I was containing seemed to well up again. Oh no!

The whole process began with taking the weight, blood pressure, pulse rate and blood typing. Wait, that blood typing sucks. It was painful and i was close to screaming. Sir Mike Du even said "Jan, buti sana nandito si Irving, para moral support no?" Aaaw, amusement was really visible the moment I heard that. Like all of a sudden, I felt so strong, just the sound of his name. ha-ha

So I was interviewed by the doctor asking important questions - if i caught a fever the past week, if i took a medicine the past 24 hours - blah blah. Few moments from that, the doctor said I am qualified to donate. I.CAN.DONATE. Yeah, these words - made me happy even more! Wohoo. Let's get it on!

Dread. The sight of needles. Omigod. Some other friends who just donated were bullying me. "Agay, sakit kaau ang tusok sa dagom..." or a meaner remark "Shit, naputol ang dagom!" How supported can they get, huh?! Well, I'm certain about this thing. No turning back! So I hurried to my bed (folding bed covered with bloody red cloth!) Wait, can I suggest?! Would it be alright if the cloth on beds should be something like cartoon characters, or nature or anything not red? Red dreads people you know , even aggravates the uneasiness. Brilliant idea right. They should consider it, for Pete's sake. ha-ha

So going back, I am ready on this bed but shaking. Please make it fast. I plead hard. Tick.Tock. Here comes the attendant with his kit - the cotton, betadine, plaster and the BLOOD BAG with the syringe all beautifully placed in a small blue basket. I shouldn't mind the blue basket. Ha-ha So here it is. He wipes the betadine on my left arm. Then. Then. There. He puts in the syringe. Aaaah. Wait, it is tolerable and i am overreacting here. They give me a yellow stress ball to keep the blood dripping. By the way, Pinky is beside me that time - her blood is dripping too - to the blood bag! After seemed-forever minutes, the attendant check my blood bag. I wasn't halfway through so he advised me to pump the stress ball more. Mas na-stress ata ako kasi patapos na si Pinky. Geez, talk about pressure. After freaking out and an odd 15 minutes later, the bag is full. Thanks God! I survived. They let me lie down for a while. The feeling is superb, guys. It is such a fulfillment. And a relief!

This is the arroz caldo they gave us after the blood donation. Sarap.

And this is me beaming with pride after hurdling the stress of donating blood. Yey, I pull it through. All it cost is a little love. See you on the next blood letting!

let's get physical.

for my TO DO list for year 2010, i have included "to lose weight". it's actually in my list every year. ha! how pathetic can i get. still i'm not seriously into doing exercise. but this time, together with my friends, we enrolled in a various HIGH IMPACT EXERCISE. so we do belly dancing, hiphop, latin, aerobics, pilates and YOGA. yesterday was our first day to do yoga. and my first time to do it. i thought before it's a boring exercise. but it's not. enjoy pala - you get to stretch your arms, legs, strain, strain and no pain. i'm loving the sweat. and oh, i love my fabulous purple mat. yey.

i hope i'll sustain the drive to be fit and slim down. *fingers crossed*

she gets herself a baby.

i so envy this girl. she just got what she wanted. she's happy with her baby and undoubtedly a very proud parent. well, i like her baby's color - my favorite. hope i could get a feel of her baby soonest. right ate she?! he he

*drum roll* presenting the proud parent and her baby - MOSS!

let's drive around gensan soon, ok? hehe you'll be the driver and i will be your pretty passenger.*wink*

journals of the past: graduation

i was browsing through my stack of old files in my room. there i got receipts, flyers and old papers way back in college. they are really garbage but i got this treasure. no, it's not something of material value. but my journal in college. it was actually a project in one of our subjects. sentimental and nostalgic mode.

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March 20, 2002 - Notre Dame of Polomolok was filled decorations. Decorations were wonderful and colorful which rightly matched the emotions of the people present especially to the graduates and the parents. This was the Graduation 2002. Whew. I can still remember this momentous event of my life.

just few years ago, GRADUATION is yet beyond my reach. but i was able to ponder that you can't achieve it unless you exert an effort and grasp the opportunities that come on your way. indeed, finding your way towards your goal is not that easy. As Einstein says, "invention is 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration." compared to our own daily lives, success is unattainable without hardwork and perseverance.

graduation indicates victory, a significant achievement in our academic life. indeed, it's a time to thank God who makes things possible for me. it signifies the faith i have in God. it's a time where sharing of the blessing He has bestowed upon me - wisdom. fortitude and understanding. these are the things that helped me gain this glorious moment. a moment i wore toga and cap, marched down the aisle and received my diploma.

graduation marked the apex of my High School life. the sweats i poured down upon the nooks of the classroom had finally borne fruits. all the joys, sorrows and shortcomings. moreover, this served as one of my goals. i am ready to move, to step forward, to push, to reach, to take, to spread, to lift, to learn, to submit, to sacrifice, to offer, to share, to serve and to love.

with my success, i won't forget the people behind it. my parents, teachers, administrators, advisers, friends. without their love, i am nothing. moreover, a heart-breaking sojourn has been on my way and learned to stand firmly as what they have taught and marked us as Gospel-centered and service-oriented individuals. they molded me in so many faces of courage, hope and love.

while graduation signifies an end, it also unfolds a new beginning. years of painstaking labors in pursuit of High School diploma was over. But for me, it serves a s a preparation to face a more demanding world of tremendous challenges - College education.