some predicaments

"life is not all bed of roses." true enough, i have seen endless revelations proving this adage. with friends, strangers, huge, minute, publicized, televised, not. we never wanted problems to come nor we wanted to throw ourselves to compromising and difficult experiences. nevertheless, nobody is spared form this so-called PROBLEM - to give us a punch, to awaken us, to teach us and learn from this.

i don't know what got into me - writing this. but i know, at this very moment, i feel like bursting into tears. my heart raced and my knees faltered. i am really angry, frustrated and demotivated.

it is just that no matter how you prove yourself, all your hard work seemed put into waste. left unappreciated. not valued. unnoticed. not compensated. and you cannot do anything but grab a chocolate to pacify you.

it is when you cannot comprehend the plans they have for you. and you feel why it takes so long. and you got stuck. not that you don' have the choice at all but because you don't want to start moving and advancing. or maybe you just fell in love with it. or maybe you started to build your own comfort zone.

and when you show your best forward, you are compared with another person. and you think the other person is, uhm well, good but not as commendable as you are. and you got a more difficult load than that person - i mean way difficult. i don't really get it. i know i got weaknesses. but i can't accept that this weakness is the determining factor of the things. pardon me, but i don't really get it.

i'm pleading for understanding. where is fairness? i don't want to sound pathetic at all nor desperate.

but help me instill in my head that everything is meant to help me grow as a person and as career woman. May the Lord grant me the serenity, the courage and the faith. Like I always say, it will all come to pass.